Pre-spousal abuse…

A car.

Windows rolled up.

An “Excuse me.”

Windows rolled down.

I’m not going to draw a diagram.

Dilemma…

Alright, I found TWO pairs of shoes that I want to wear with my gown. TWO! But, I can’t keep them both. I really can’t justify the cost and I’m not a girl that needs a plethora (okay two isn’t a plethora) of silver shoes.

So, I turn to you, my lovelies for assistance. I do wish I could show you the dress but since B, ahhh the lovely B, reads this blog on occasion, I can’t share. But, I will state “it swishes like a bell.”

Shoe #1

Shoe #2

Ummmmm…since I can’t find a plugin or seem capable of making it work, leave me a comment on your selection!

Stick it up there…

Okay, don’t ask…because I don’t know. But somehow I have an infection in my nose of the non-sinus kind. The treatment: STICKING Q-Tips with GOO up your nose. Why do I share? Because I care and I want you, my lovelies, to be prepared if you too get a non-sinus infection in your schnoz. And, dammit…it’s funny. Laugh away.

Growing up…

I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to make it to twenty-nine. No, seriously. Not because I was suicidal (okay, there is a dark story in that line and we won’t go there) but because I was raised in an uberly-religious family. Also, twenty-nine is ancient. Dammit it’s knocking on death’s door of thirty. But, obviously Christ hasn’t followed through on the Rapture promise (I still got my ticket!) and I am still kicking.

And, yes, I’ve mentioned it once or twice about not liking this transition year. (Too lazy to link.) It is unnerving thinking about how much life I have left and what I’ve done with the time I’ve had. And, I think about what would occur if tomorrow I wasn’t here. What would I be known for? The girl with a large ass (I’ve got me some booty train). A lady with a sarcastic nature and a so-so blog. A woman who was adored by an awesome man – okay that one get’s me a bit misty eyed.

So, why this reflection? Because I looked in the mirror this morning and my vision was of me. The real me. A woman with responsibilities, who’s about to embark on marriage. And, me getting married…that’s a whole different mental issue. Not that I’m worried about marrying B, nope completely 100% positive on that one but the fact that I never thought I was lovable enough to be married. Uhhhhhh…that’s a digression. Now, when I think about what I want to do I want it to be something B will be proud of, something that will make a bit of difference – even if it’s just brightening a stranger’s day, something that I can pass on to our children.

I don’t really know how to tie out this rambling of paragraphs. These were just things I needed to get out.

Get your crap together…

Let’s see, I’ve been trying to get into physical therapy since JANUARY. First, the nurses forgot to call in the order for PT. Then I had to HOUND my doctor’s office to remind them. AFTER SIX WEEKS the doctor FINALLY got involved. Finally, the physical therapy office called and made me an appointment for three weeks after said call. I guess a lot of people are injured in Texas.

Tuesday, I show up for my appointment with a change of clothes (cute ones) and a half an hour early, per the receptionist’s instructions. I sign in and sit, waiting for my name to be called. And, it is called.

“What are you here for ma’am?”

“Physical therapy”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ve had this appointment for three weeks.”

“At this location?”

“Yes, this is the location given to me over the phone and that I stored in my calendar.”

“I’m sorry ma’am. We have no record of you and all of our therapists have left for the day.”

I didn’t yell. I didn’t cause a scene. I haven’t called back yet. I’m resigning myself to the fact that I’ll never get therapy. I just want to skip it and go straight to the foot-long needle into the spine. It’ll be a hell of a lot less painful than getting this physical therapy shit figured out again.

Now, when I get a moment to breathe at work, you can bet your bottom dollar that I am going to start calling supervisors because so far NO ONE has called me back about why I was lost in the system. But, by the time this is all resolved, it’ll be time to see the doctor and I’ll have to explain, ONCE AGAIN, why I didn’t go to therapy.

(And, yes, Hilary, I’m calling up one on the list.)

I wish…

We could just elope. Like I originally wanted. Until family got involved.

I’m not crazy…

L4-L5 Moderate blah blah with a tear in the blah blah with a bulging of the blah blah blah.

Actually it’s nice to have my old diagnosis of spondylothesis reconfirmed with more of it’s friends, arthritis and bulging disc to be added to the pile. It’s comforting to know that my increase in pain over the last year is for a reason, my spine has become more unstable but now there is an action plan in place and some intelligent people on the board of supervisors that will over see the medical procedures.

The best news of all, NO SURGERY needed at this time. Only if I progress two more millimeters. Spine and I are going to have a sit down with L4 and L5. A “get your act together or we’re going to hire a surgeon to get your asses into shape.” kinda talk. Because I don’t want to go under the knife yet, not for that kind of an operation. Now, if anyone wants to get me a boob job, drop a line. We can talk.

The experience…

The MRI was quite loud, but they gave me ear plugs. So, I’m not deaf though I don’t think the pieces of styrofoam were guarding much noise. But I’m kind of use to the load noises, working downtown where there is heavy construction being completed on the two blocks closet to wear you sit.

I’m going to admit that I’m strange but I found the whines, thumps and whirls kind of calming. And, I kept identifying them with what Muppet Monster I thought would make that sound. Would it be a big hairy one that supposed to be scarey? Or was it the one with all the tentacles that made a ‘meep’ and a ‘beep’? I couldn’t decide, though none of the sounds would ever come from Elmo.

The MRI was an enclosed one, which if someone is claustrophobic, I could definitely relate to how easy it would be for them to have a panic attack. I kept my eyes closed the entire time, trying to will my body to remain absolutely still, keep my breathes shallow and hope to god that I didn’t have any muscle spasms that clause my legs to flinch. About half way through the first image, I realized that I had raised my shoulders up and that they were tense and getting tired. I don’t know what caused me to raise my shoulders as the process start, it was probably from the surprise of the loud siren sound the machine emits before it begins, but my body is definitely reminding me of it, I can still feel the soreness.

I’ll get the results on Thursday. Honestly, and this is weird, I’m praying that they do find something wrong with my back or confirm the other diagnosis, because it would really suck if they tell me, “We don’t know what’s causing your pain. Your spine looks good to us.”

Going for a ride…

Today, I’m going to take an hour trip in a big white tube which will make loud noises and cause me to be encircled in magnetic fun. Yes, my lovelies, I’ve broken down and am going to have my first MRI. I’m an MRI virgin.

The outcome, with much hope, will be a diagnosis of what’s truly wrong with me – no it’s not of my head – determine an appropriate course of action. And, now I have a list of really great doctors to see after I get this test done so if I don’t like treatment plan “A”, you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be running off and getting an opinion “B”.

Now, I just have to learn how to lay completely still for an hour.

A challenge…

I have two challenges for you, my LOVELY readers….

Wedding Favors: Yay or Nay? And, if yay, what kind? The parameters are: I want something to keep with the Vegas theme and if we can incorporate 06/07/08 into it, the better. Less than $15 a person. Can’t be anything that has to be crafted because it’ll be shipped directly to Vegas.

Shoes: (For Lauren!) Size 8, flats. Can be sandals or closed toe. Navy Blue. And, can be on the fun or funky side.

GO!