Don’t…

Wash a cat. We had to. Long story. Lots of scratches. Buying stock in Neosporin.

Saturday…

Or alternatively titled: “Daddy versus the Whales”

Saturday morning I got a voice mail from my mother stating that her and dad would be in Houston, at the airport, for an hour and a half that night. Since my parents were supposed to be on a cruise going around Mexico until November 1st, I was quite confused. My mom then stated that dad got hurt while on the ship and they had to fly home to get him medical attention. This is when my stomach dropped to the floor and I felt the world spinning. But her voice was reassuring and her final statement was that he was fine and not to worry. But, she didn’t tell me what happened, it was very frustrating. A call to all siblings resulted in them having got the same message with no true information.

Of course B and I rearranged everything so that we could get to the airport and see them for five minutes outside of security. This is the only time I was going to see them until February. We got the airport, mom called to let me know that they had landed and were going through customs. And informed me that daddy was in a wheelchair. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! I knew them trekking through security a second time would not be fun for my dad so I was giving up hope of seeing my parents. THEN AN ANGEL APPEARED. Her name was Rebeca. (I’m so writing a note of appreciation to Continental about this fabulous employee.) She had seen me and B waiting outside of security, waiting for my parents, standing there for almost an hour. She listened to my story and was very empathetic to our situation. By the time I was done she had given me and B security passes to go and see my parents in the airport and help them to their connecting flight.

I went through security at top speed, she even got us cleared through the first class line where there was no wait. The only hiccup was that I forgot to take off my shoes and had to go through the metal detector twice. BLEH. My parents were on the other side, you can only imagine how anxious I was to see them. The next part is a blur because I RAN to my parents and gave them hugs and kisses, checking on my dad and trying to get the scoop of what occurred.

While they were on the cruise, only a few hours in, the ship encountered a pod of whales. My parents were enjoying coffee on the deck near the pool and close to the gaming room. When the ship turned away from the pod, it tilted to a 45 degree angle. This caused all the water to rush out of the pool and onto the deck. The water lifted up my parents chairs, pushing my mom four to five feet away and sending my dad under a black jack table. My dad is already disabled from a work incident in the early nineties and he hit his back against the table when he was swept under. It was quite difficult to see him in a wheelchair. And when he did walk, his legs were shaky and unstable.

Thankfully, everyone at the airport was great about getting him wheeled to where he needed to go. And, to my surprise, he wanted to walk to his next gate and not be confined. So, we took it really slow to the next terminal, stopping when he needed rest. B and I also got my parents food because they hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. Since the cruise ship docked in Acapulco, that’s where my parents flew out of but since my parents didn’t speak spanish and knew not to drink the water, they didn’t dare eat food unknowingly. They didn’t want to add Montezuma’s revenge to their list of mishaps. They went twenty-four hours only eating peanuts from the cruise ship. PEANUTS!

I did enjoy our brief, impromptu visit. Lots of hugs, kisses and talking abounded. I loved that I got to see my parents before February. I definitely can’t wait to get home to see the rest of my family. After the airport, B and I went to see Avenue Q. All in all it was a great night and I hope that my father recovers quickly.

Sobriety…

Who needs it? I wanted to do a drunk post and now I’m fulfilling my dream. It’s all Julio’s fault, with his damn three dollar Happy Hour martinis. And B drove me home.

Super-de-duper part 1…

OMG…Pecan Praline Chicken soooooooooo yummy. It’ll be very easy to replicate, it’s a mustard base with a brown sugar and pecan topping. Very easy to make, just simply baking in the oven after putting on the topping. The only hard work I had to complete was pressing the microwave buttons to heat up the corn. Yeah, my fingers ache.

So, meal one, two forks up. Also, there was enough leftovers for lunch (as planned). I guess I should take pictures…maybe.

Super-de-duper…

I’ve been extremely busy with work. I can’t believe what I’ve been able to learn and accomplish in such a short period of time. But, the hours are long and sometimes you have to work a bit late. Also, when you’re dealing with large sums of money, you have to be careful in the transactions. Accuracy is key. And accuracy takes a LOT of time when you’re new to what you’re doing.

This has put a damper on my ability and desire to cook. I had great plans for this weekend. I was going to write out a menu, go shopping, prep the food and be ready for the upcoming week. But, uh, that didn’t happen. We took Miss La Rue to the vet (where she almost ended up with a sibling until her jealous/hissing side appeared – first time I’ve EVER seen her hiss. That four week old kitten was a threat to her highness.) Then it was off to run errands. Did you know that you can get brains in many shapes and sizes? I went with a normal size squishy one. What? It’s for work. Stop thinking of me that way! And capped it off with a massage. Oh, how I love the massage.

But, during those errands we made another stop. This stop is going to save B and I time and me a lot of effort this week. AND, we’ll be eating pretty healthy and on point. (B could stand to lose some weight too, so he’s abiding by my dinner terms.) We went to Super Suppers! This is going to be a huge time saver because we were able to get dinners that were already constructed, stuck them in the freezer. Now all I have to do is pull them out and pop them in the oven. It’s a LOT cheaper than going out to eat and being tempted by a restaurants DEVIL food. And, B will forget that we went to Super Suppers and he’ll think I’m a fabulous cook.

P.S. I’ve had the food from Super Suppers previously when I lived in Memphis and it was DELICIOUS.

Happy holidays…

Now I know what you’re thinking, “What the fuck? Not you too, Jen!” Remember in today’s post, the role of Nutcase will be played by Bitchy – see former post.

I shouldn’t rant and really, I’m not. But, I won’t be going home for the holidays. None at all. Yes, it’s because of fabulous new job, they are open the day before and after all family oriented holidays and even VPs have to work. Or, VPs with no vacation and have a 90 day probationary period.

Even Bitchy is going to look on the brightside: No sister driving me up the wall because everything I wear, eat, touch, smell, own is not a 100% organic. No watching my brother being sloppy and letting my mom pick up after him at the tender age of twenty-three. No family members asking us (yeah, I’d make B come with me) when we’re going to get married. No dad showing B his gun collection, again.

But there will also be no hugs, no momma’s cooking, no dad’s bear hugs, no Fat Elvis giggles live and in person. That’s why I put in vacation to go home in February. I’ve got four weeks and dammit I’m going to get home as soon as possible. That’ll be my happy holiday.

PS…Hilary, I’d love to meet you when you come to Houston for Thanksgiving, if you have time.

Dear uterus…

I’m uber glad that you’ve decided to show me once again that you function perfectly. Both B and I are very satisfied with your teamwork with Birth Control. A+ for keeping the babies out.

But, when you decide to do your monthly cleaning, why do you have to hire Cramps to assist? I don’t remember that being a part of our contract. You see Cramps is a bit of an overachiever when he’s working. He feels the need to make sure I know that he’s doing his job to the point where I want to cry and never stand up straight. That’s not the kind of people I like to employ.

So, Uterus, it’s your job to inform Cramps that he’s no longer welcome. We’ll send out the paperwork for unemployment post haste.

Cordially,

Nutcase101

PS…Bitchy will be taking over for a couple of days while my usual bubbly self goes on hiatus.

The stinkin’ truth…

In less than two weeks of work, I’ve gained four pounds.

Stupid Starbucks pound cake. Annoyingly good sandwiches with mayo at the restaurant on the block. Delightfully awesome barbecue baked potatoes with sour cream.

I’m now chaining myself to my office chair (non-broken) so I won’t be able to leave my desk from 8 to 5.

Yeah, about that…

Today, I had my own version of “Office Space”.

When I started working last week, it was noted that my chair was broken. This was discovered when I sat in it and it roughly plummeted to the ground. My back really enjoyed the sudden stop along with beautiful jolt. Since a coworker of mine was on vacation, we switched out chairs temporarily. Temporarily because this woman had written her name in sharpie on the chair. No one was going to mistake that this was her chair.

Since that fateful day, at least twice a day, someone will kindly come up and tell me, “Do you know you’re sitting in Miss Vacation’s chair?” And that, “She’s definitely going to know you sat in her chair.” Well, since we’re short on working chairs, I’m not in the mood to care that Miss Vacation is going to know that my fluffy ass has been warming her spot. It’s better than finding the sweet spot to balance in a chair for eight hours a day, praying that I don’t adjust my weight and suddenly fall to the floor.

Today, I had someone whom I’d never met come up and explain in detail Miss Vacation’s special chair and how I shouldn’t be sitting it. All I could think about was TPS reports…TPS reports…TPS reports.

EDIT: I should note that MOST people in my office have NEVER watched Office Space. *FAINT*

Stop the ride…

I want off! Only due to the fact that I’ve actually had to WORK! You’d think after two months, I wouldn’t mind a bit of a change but I didn’t know that I’d have NO internet time during the day. And, my employer blocks blogs. If I had known I was working for the evil empire…

Actually, I’ve really enjoyed working there (all four days). There hasn’t been a lot of down time and I won’t be going to orientation until November. But, the work itself is quite different and challenging. By the time I’m out of this position, I’ll be well versed in financial legalese and various implications of not following the rules and bylaws of bonds, stocks, commodities, etc. Wait! Don’t go! I’ll go back to being snarky and somewhat pithy. I can definitely guarantee I’ll mangle the English language. I promise not to bring up the fundamentals of what I do in this post.

Besides, you know you want to read about my new phone. My new iPhone! Yes, I’ve joined the ranks of the apple heads. I need it to survive people. Did you not see the first paragraph?! I have no access to blogs. And they block gossip sites. Do you think I’d be able to work there without finding some devious way to get my fix of some tartlet getting out of a car flashing her hooha for the world to see? NO! And, B, being the fine man that he is – No, you can’t have him! – KNEW that I would perish without being able to see the true happenings of the world during the 8 am to 5 pm time frame got me this lovely life-saving device.

I doubt I’ll be posting from the iPhone but we’ll see. But, I’ve got my worldwideweb lifeline and I have B and, of course, you!